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from a project by
Jason Lazarus

Maybe I am actually in a touchy mood. I am just trying to stop smoking,
I am on vacation from my job at the senior home, intending to work on my photography project. Summer is gone; it has been s short-lived guest here in Germany this year.

Looking at Jason Lazarus project “Too hard to keep” almost made me cry.
It’s very much about life as I experience it.
Memories and pain, so much has gone by now.

Life is full of memories we don’t want to be reminded of.

Though I am old enough now to think different. I don’t want to put away what’s hurting me. It is belonging to my life.

I instantly knew what image I could send to Lazarus archive: it’s not the horrifying image of my depressed mother later on committing suicide; it’s an image depicting my girlfriend taken long years ago. We still stick together; our son is 26 by now.

So many compromises, so many hopes not accomplished, the years going by.

But I can’t give away any of my pictures, representing memories for me. Painful or beautiful memories, the photographs depicting them stay invaluable for me. I need them desperately.

All those people having memories hard to live with, all those people giving away now photographs representing pain, they commit nothing but a ritualized act of dealing with that what should have never happened.

They communicate.

I am trying to understand. But how can they give away their photographs?

Maybe they feel lonely, alone with their memories.


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September 17